


Disorder

by catsavant



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Dysfunctional Relationships, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I AM SO SORRY NITORI, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Self-Loathing, and no not all the relationships tagged here are endgame, but at least there's a happy ending so at least that makes up for it?, except momo because he is an absolute treasure, i'll probably add more tags as the fic progresses, lots of people cry, silly broken-hearted boys being mean to each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:49:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsavant/pseuds/catsavant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody is surprised when Rin and Haru announce that they're together; Makoto knew he had lost Haru the moment that Rin re-entered their lives during their second year at Iwatobi High. He isn't bitter. He thinks that perhaps he should be, but he's not. Sousuke is another matter entirely; he loves Rin and loathes Haru, but what can he do about it? Drawn to each other by mutual heartbreak and understanding, Sousuke and Makoto attempt to get over their feelings for Rin and Haru respectively in what soon becomes the worst way possible. </p><p>Amidst all the chaos and heartache, no one seems to notice that something is wrong with Nagisa. Not even Rei.</p><p>Alternative Title: Everyone Cries A Lot And Momo Is A Perfect Angel (Boys are Mean)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance. I have no idea what happened with Rin.
> 
> Future chapters will be longer than this, probably. And they'll be much more eventful.

No one was really surprised when Haru announced that he and Rin were now in a relationship. In fact, judging by the look on Gou’s face, it was safe to assume that she had been informed before Haru gathered them all by the pool just before practice.

The news may not have been unexpected, but it still hurt.

Plastering a smile to his face, Makoto congratulated Haru along with the others and hoped that his voice wasn’t wavering. “Oh! I’m happy for you both,” the swim captain smiled after a brief pause – a pause that he sincerely hoped would go unnoticed. As luck would have it, no one seemed to notice the way that he hesitated; nor did they realise how false his smile was, but he’d been faking these smiles for years now. Constantly putting others first meant that Makoto would often have to keep his own feelings and problems to himself so he had become something of an expert at masking his emotions.

“Took you long enough, Haru-chan! I guess he finally noticed how you’re always staring at him with those big puppy eyes? Or did you just decide to stop tip-toeing around each other? Oh – was it both?”

“ _Nagisa!_ ” Rei hissed, sounding absolutely scandalised.

Makoto didn’t wait to hear Haru’s respond to Nagisa’s questioning, nor did he look at any of their faces. Instead he simply walked toward the locker room, murmuring something to Gou about wanting to get changed. He didn’t know if she heard him, not that it really mattered anyway.

As soon as was inside the locker room, Makoto released a breath that he didn’t realise he’d been holding. Tears stung at the corners of his olive green eyes and he had to bite down on his bottom lip to prevent a slight sob from escaping his mouth. Squeezing his eyes shut to try and force back his tears, Makoto slumped against the lockers and brought a hand up to cover his mouth. He knew he had to calm himself down – he knew that if anyone walked in now, it’d all be over.

_He was never mine to lose,_ the Iwatobi swim captain told himself fiercely.

Everyone knew there was a connection between Rin and Haru. Their bond was something that no one else could match and when they were together it was like they forgot that the rest of the world existed. Though Haru loved to swim and he adored the water, he seemed to truly come alive when he swam with Rin specifically. The two of them had a chemistry that was electric, unmatched, and unparalleled. It was clear to anyone who knew them that they were made for each other. Makoto never stood a chance. He knew that Haru would never be able to see him in a romantic light (not while he had Rin around at least) and he had taught himself to be okay with that. He enjoyed being Haru’s best friend and he knew that regardless of what Rin and Haru may have, Makoto would always have some kind of place in Haru’s life.

So why did it hurt so much? They’d all seen it coming, after all.

_Nothing is going to change. We’ll still be friends and we’ll still get to do everything that we do now. This isn’t going to change anything._

Makoto took a deep breath and straightened up, wiping his eyes as he sniffled slightly. He knew that he had to regain his composure before returning to the team otherwise they would begin to ask questions. Why should any of them have to worry just because he couldn’t control his own emotions?

_Selfish_ , Makoto chastised himself with a self-depreciating smile.

It was all rather funny really. He really thought that he had come to terms with Haru’s love for Rin, yet here he was, crying in the school locker room just because the pair had finally decided to stamp a label on their relationship. The brunet sighed softly and moved away to his own locker, having finally regained his composure. If he didn’t return to his friends soon then Nagisa was bound to come looking for him – assuming that he wasn’t still quizzing Haru. Makoto opened his locker slowly and for a moment he considered simply going home. He had never missed a day of practice before and he was sure that Gou would understand if he said he wasn’t feeling well. The thought vanished almost as quickly as it had arrived, for Makoto knew that missing practice wouldn’t benefit anybody. He didn’t even have the right to feel upset about his best friend’s relationship anyway; not truly. Rin and Haru deserved all the happiness in the world and they were perfect for each other. How could Makoto call himself their friend if he was going to act like a petulant child in response to them being together?

“Wow Mako-chan you really are slow!”

Makoto jumped slightly at the sound of Nagisa’s voice and he spun around to see the younger swimmer enter the locker room with Rei trailing after him.

“Is everything alright Makoto-senpai? Gou-kun said you’d gone to get changed but…”

Makoto glanced down at himself as Rei trailed off. He had been in here a good five minutes yet he hadn’t even removed his shoes, let alone his uniform.

“Ah,” the swim captain replied slowly as he schooled his features back into his usual apologetic smile, “I have a bit of a headache so I went to get a drink. I’m fine now.” He didn’t like lying, especially not to his friends, but it was better than the alternative. “I guess Haru’s already in the pool?” Makoto asked, eager to change the subject. He realised that it was probably a rather pointless question, considering that they all knew that Haru wore his swimsuit beneath his clothes, but neither of the other swimmers called him out.

“Yep! I bet Haru-chan would marry the water if he could,” Nagisa grinned as he approached his own locker and began to undress, “Don’t tell Rin-chan I said that. We don’t want him getting jealous already!”

Rei heaved a loud, exasperated sigh. “I doubt Rin would be jealous of water,” the butterfly swimmer objected, taking off his tie as he spoke.

Makoto stopped listening. He wasn’t sure that he trusted himself enough to keep his emotions under control right now, and the last thing he wanted was for them to see him getting upset about Rin being Haru’s boyfriend. The third-year undressed quickly and began to pull on his swimsuit, feeling thankful that it was Friday. The weekend would give him some time to get used to the news and he’d hopefully be acting better on Monday.

 

\--

 

Sousuke stared at Rin as though he’d just grown a second head.

“You and… Nanase?” he asked slowly, a note of incredulity creeping into his voice.

Colour dusted Rin’s cheeks as he looked away, eyes narrowing with either annoyance, embarrassment or both.

“Yes, me and Haru!” he retorted, looking anywhere that wasn’t Sousuke’s face. The pair of them were in their dorm and Rin had finally decided to sit Sousuke down and tell him about his relationship with Haru, though it wasn’t as easy as he had originally thought. Rin had often had trouble expressing his thoughts and feelings in the past, and now was no different. Though he knew he loved Haru (he hadn’t actually used the word ‘love’ yet – not even to Haru himself), talking about it was… hard – embarrassing, even, though not because he was ashamed of their relationship.

Sousuke was quiet for a few moments, which didn’t do anything to ease Rin’s nerves. Though the pair were best friends and had known each other since childhood, Rin had never actually spoken to Sousuke about his sexuality, nor did he know whether the taller man would have a problem with him being gay.

“Can’t say I’m surprised,” Sousuke sighed eventually, causing Rin’s eyebrows to knit together slightly, “Took you long enough though. I mean how long have you two liked each other?”

Sousuke’s words hit him like a flood. All of Rin’s anxiety seemed to melt away as his friend spoke, and he immediately flashed a shark-toothed grin. “Hey, stop taking the piss!” the redhead snapped, though there was only humour in his voice. Sousuke’s casual acceptance of both his sexuality and his relationship made Rin feel like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “This is kind of a big deal for me, okay? He’s my first boyfriend and I really like him, and I kind of really need you to like… be okay with it. Me being with him, I mean.” Rin’s grin faded as he grew more serious, watching his friend carefully.

The taller swimmer shifted to lay down on the bed that they were both sitting on. He considered Rin’s words but seemed to be avoiding his gaze. “You want to swim professionally right? You want to get scouted?”

“Yeah. Literally everyone knows that,” Rin responded flatly, not really sure where Sousuke was going with his questions.

“Then you shouldn’t be distracting yourself like this. If you really like him so much then tell him your relationship can wait. He’s going to hold you back.”

Rin could scarcely believe what he was hearing. He stared at his friend in disbelief, anger sparking in his garnet eyes.

“He’s not going to hold me back! Shit, Sousuke. Will you stop saying stuff like that?”

Rin was unable to keep the hurt from creeping into his voice. Sousuke was his best friend and he truly valued his opinions, though sometimes the taller man proved to be frustrating. Like now, for instance.

“I don’t want to see you fail because of him,” Sousuke said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the bunk above them.

“Why would having a boyfriend ruin my future? Look at me.”

Sousuke complied, meeting Rin’s gaze with his own teal stare. The swim captain’s frown deepened but it seemed that his friend couldn’t think of a decent reply. A moment passed then Rin dropped his gaze, scowling as he did so.

“I’m not going to stop seeing him just because you don’t approve,” Rin told him flatly.

“Fine. Do what makes you happy,” Sousuke deadpanned.

A hiss of annoyance tore past the redhead’s lips and he grabbed hold of his friend’s collar, pulling him back into a sitting position. “What is your problem? I’m trying to tell you that I need your support right now and you just… you just…” Rin’s voice began to waver dangerously and he no longer trusted himself to speak. This situation was embarrassing enough without him crying everywhere. A look of confusion swept over Sousuke’s face and he realised with a jolt that this was the first time that he had seen Rin acting like this.

“I am supporting you. You’re in charge of a team now and there are a lot of important events coming up. You should be focusing on those things, not distracting yourself with Nanase,” Sousuke spoke softly and calmly, not wanting to upset Rin any further. He reached up to grasp lightly at Rin’s wrists, tugging gently to try and make him let go of his collar.

“Bullshit! I’m capable of managing my time and sorting my life out without you trying to do it for me. Right now I just – I just want you to be happy for me. Please?” Rin’s eyes gleamed but there were no tears sliding down his cheeks. He was frustrated, not upset, but he was still Rin. Rin had never been good at keeping control over his emotions.

Sousuke’s eyes narrowed slightly in a mixture of intrigue and confusion. “Why does it matter whether I approve of your relationship? I’m not your mother.” There was nothing malicious about Sousuke’s tone, it was just genuine (or perhaps morbid) curiosity. Rin was quiet for a moment and suddenly his cheeks reddened. He jerked his hands back from Sousuke’s collar so quickly that it was like he had been burned.

“What?” Sousuke pressed, a slight smile tugging at his lips as he saw how flustered Rin suddenly seemed.

“Jeez. Do you even have to ask?” Rin muttered, annoyance still evident in his voice. “You’re the closest friend I’ve got. You mean a lot to me and it would just mean a lot for me to know that you’re okay with me being with Haru. He’s my first boyfriend, there’s no one else that I can really talk to about this kind of thing and I guess I’d just appreciate your support? Shit, I don’t know. You know what I’m trying to say, right?”

Rin was beginning to feel incredibly lame. He half expected to Sousuke to start laughing at him, but he was thankful when he didn’t. In fact when he managed to look at his friend again, he saw that there was no amusement in his expression at all. He looked surprised, yes, but Sousuke wasn’t about to start laughing at Rin’s expense.

“...I guess if you’re sure about Nanase I can’t stop you from seeing him,” Sousuke said at last with a small sigh. “I want you to be happy. If he makes you happy then I’ll support you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna get really messed up really quickly and I am SO SORRY. Originally this was going to be Nagisa-centric but then Makoto ended up stealing the show. Oh and there are some other pairings (if they can even be called that) on the way, as well as one particular endgame couple that I won't tag just yet. 
> 
> I have the entire thing planned out but I'm not sure how many chapters there'll be. I suppose it depends on how long each one is?
> 
> Feedback would be really appreciated. I get really paranoid about writing characters that don't belong to me because I always fear that I might get them wrong, or that people might not like my portrayal of certain characters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S 9AM. I HAVEN'T HAD ANY SLEEP. I WAS RUSHING TO WRITE THIS BEFORE THE NEW EPISODE IS OUT SO I'M VERY, VERY SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES.
> 
> I'm really, really, really sorry okay I'll read over this after I've had some sleep and I'll make corrections (if needed).

Two weeks had passed since Haru had told his friends that he and Rin were now together. While Makoto still pulled Haru from the bath each morning and while they still spent most days together (not that they really had a choice, considering that they attended the same school and swim club), there were a few expected changes. Like how they didn’t always walk home together because Rin wanted to meet Haru after school; like how Haru’s weekends were dominated by spending time with Rin. Makoto didn’t mind. After all, they were boyfriends so it was only natural for them to spend time together. He had no intention of trying to infringe upon that, and he was genuinely glad that his friends were happy together. Of course it still stung a little to know that Haru would never be his now, but Makoto was neither bitter nor selfish. He would not let their relationship change his behaviour or affect his friendship with either of them.

Makoto sighed heavily and pushed his thoughts aside. It was Thursday evening and he was currently trying to concentrate on studying for tomorrow’s test, not that he was getting very far. The twins were in bed and his parents weren’t making any noise downstairs but his mind refused to let him concentrate, too busy musing on the relationship of a certain freestyle swimmer and the Samezuka swim captain. Frowning slightly, Makoto read the same sentence for the fifth time that night, but still nothing was sinking in. Was there even any point in trying now? Just when he was about to give up and try taking notes instead, his phone vibrated against the desk. Makoto reached out to see who had text him, unable to ignore the butterflies he felt when the contact’s name appeared on his screen.

**Fr: Haruka Nanase**

**To: Makoto Tachibana**

**Are you busy this weekend?**

Olive green eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly as he considered his response. Usually Nagisa was the one who got everyone out of the house. It was also common knowledge that Haru rarely used his phone – unless he had started using it more now that he had a boyfriend from another school?

 

**Fr: Makoto Tachibana**

**To: Haruka Nanase**

**I promised I’d take the twins out on Sunday but I’m free on Saturday (: Why do you ask?**

 

As soon as his thumb hit send, Makoto felt himself starting to smile. He couldn’t remember the last time that Haru went out of his way to make plans with Makoto specifically. He assumed that Haru wanted to go buy another swimsuit or something and that he didn’t really feel like shopping alone, though wouldn’t he invite Rin if that was the case? As the minutes ticked by, Makoto thought Haru might not have received his text. Eventually, right as Makoto had resumed concentrating on his studying, his phone buzzed again.

 

**Fr: Haruka Nanase**

**To: Makoto Tachibana**

**That’s fine. Rin thinks we should all do something together and I said I’d ask you. Rei’s busy but everyone else should be coming.**

 

Ah. Of course Haru didn’t want to spend time with him individually. They were almost inseparable at school anyway.

 

**Fr: Makoto Tachibana**

**To: Haruka Nanase**

**‘Everyone else’? So Gou and Nagisa right?**

 

**Fr: Haruka Nanase**

**To: Makoto Tachibana**

**Yeah. Nagisa wants Nitori to be there too so Rin will probably invite Yamazaki as well. Just to give Nitori someone to talk to if he feels awkward.**

 

Yamazaki… Sousuke? Makoto couldn’t recall having ever spoken to the man, but he knew that he and Rin were incredibly close. He also knew that there was a lot of tension between Haru and Sousuke (Haru didn’t like talking about it so Makoto never pressed for answers) so it seemed odd that Rin would invite him. Still, Makoto wasn’t going to judge someone that he didn’t really know. Not without very good reason, at least.

 

**Fr: Makoto Tachibana**

**To: Haruka Nanase**

**Ah okay! Sounds fun (: What exactly do you guys have in mind anyway?**

 

**Fr: Haruka Nanase**

**To: Makoto Tachibana**

**Still planning. I’ll let you know when we decide on something.**

 

As Haru hadn’t asked for any suggestions, Makoto chose not to offer any. Instead he simply placed his phone back in his pocket and wondered what the weekend would be like.

 

Makoto found himself standing besides Haru at the train station early on Saturday morning. It had eventually been decided that they were all to meet here (though of course Haru and Makoto walked together from Makoto’s house) but somehow the pair had managed to arrive a full ten minutes too early.

“We shouldn’t have set off so early,” Haru muttered as the pair of them sat down on an empty bench inside the train station.

“Well it’s better to be early than late,” Makoto offered with a small smile, “I’m sure the others will be here soon.”

Haru gave a soft ‘hm’ in response then turned away. Makoto’s eyes remained on his friend, a soft smile playing on his lips. They saw each other almost daily and it wasn’t uncommon for them to be alone with each other (in fact it was almost odd for them to be apart) but Makoto still valued these moments.

The minutes ticked by fairly quickly with Makoto talking quietly about anything and everything while Haru occasionally nodded or voiced his thoughts. Eventually they drifted into a comfortable silence.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan!”

Both of them jolted slightly at the sound of their names and they turned to see Nagisa sprinting towards them from across the other side of the train station. A grin spread across Makoto’s face and he stood to greet the short blond. As soon as he opened his mouth to say something, the breaststroke swimmer barrelled into him and pulled him into a tight hug. Makoto let out a yelp and stumbled slightly as Nagisa laughed brightly before letting go to grin widely at his upperclassmen.

“I thought I’d be late! Have you guys been here long?”  

“Uhh, we were a little early but we haven’t been here _too_ long,” Makoto replied with a smile.

“I thought Rin-chan would be here first. He’ll be here soon right? I mean, it’s not like him to be late.”

Haru sighed heavily. “Give him chance. He won’t be late,” the third year deadpanned.

They had agreed to meet at half past nine, as the train ride would take forty-five minutes. Haruka had suggested that maybe they could go to the new sealife centre that had opened just outside of Iwatobi and the others had quickly warmed to the idea – especially Nagisa, once he realised that there would be some rockhopper penguins there. None of them had been to the aquarium before so Makoto was more than a little excited.

When the clock turned 09:40 and there was still no sign of Gou or the Samezuka teammates, the swim captain began to worry. It wasn’t like Rin to be late.

“They’re definitely coming, right?” Makoto asked Haru with a note of concern.

“Yes,” came the flat response.

“Maybe I should give Rin a call…”

“I’ll do it,” Haru said sharply, earning himself a look of surprise from Makoto. Makoto continued to watch as Haru pulled his phone out of his pocket, stood, and walked away from his two friends so that he could talk to Rin without the pair of them listening in. A small sigh diverted the swim captain’s attention to the short blond, who was wearing a very unsatisfied pout.

“We’re gonna miss the train if they don’t hurry up,” Nagisa complained loudly.

Makoto couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the blond’s words and a small laugh escaped his lips. “The rockhopper penguins will still be there even if we have to get the next train,” he smiled, though his words did nothing to assure his friend.

“Do you think the gift shop will have any penguin plushies?” Nagisa asked suddenly, a new gleam of excitement in his eyes as he looked at Makoto, “Since Rei can’t come I’m going to buy him some souvenirs. Or will that just make him sad that he couldn’t come? Ah, this is difficult…”

Before Makoto could respond, Haru reappeared with his phone in hand. There was a small frown playing upon his lips but Makoto could see that there was relief dancing in his blue eyes.

“Rin says they’re almost here. They got held up because of Nitori’s roommate but they’ll be here soon.” Haru paused for a brief second then added, “Gou isn’t coming anymore.”

“What? Why?” Makoto exclaimed while Nagisa sounded absolutely scandalised.

“I’m not sure. From what Rin said, I think she went out with some of her other friends instead.”

“That’s so lame! She better have a really good reason for ditching us,” the blond complained, sounding utterly disgruntled.

“That sounds really unlike her…” Makoto mused, receiving nothing but a slight shrug from Haru and a loud whine from Nagisa.

 

Another few minutes ticked by but just as it hit ten o’clock the Samezuka boys finally arrived at the station. Between Nitori’s frantic apologising and Nagisa’s chastisement, it was almost easy for Makoto to ignore the way Rin took hold of Haru’s hand; though it was less easy for him to ignore the painful twinge of his heart when Rin leaned in closer to murmur a gentle apology. Makoto averted his gaze, only to find himself looking directly into the eyes of Sousuke Yamazaki.

Colour flooded into the backstroke swimmer’s cheeks and he suddenly found himself stumbling for something to say. Thankfully, Nagisa chose that moment to get everyone’s attention with a loud cry of “Hey, Rin-chan! How come Gou decided to ditch us all last minute? Did she get an invite to a muscle contest or something?”

“Do you need to be so loud?” Rin sighed.

“Yes!”

“Right. Well, she didn’t actually specify. I guess she just got a better offer?”

“What? No, that’s impossible! As if anything could be better than going to an _aquarium_ with _us._ We should take lots of pictures to make her really jealous for bailing on us.”

“Ah, Nagisa-kun,” Nitori interrupted somewhat awkwardly, “Won’t that only upset your other friend?”

“Not if we hide the pictures from him! I’m gonna buy him something anyway so he doesn’t feel left out,” Nagisa stated proudly.

“Yeah well if we continue standing here we won’t even make it to the aquarium,” Rin cut in sharply, “Are we catching a train or what?”

 

It hadn’t occurred to Makoto that Rin and Haru would sit together on the train. He also hadn’t considered the fact that Nagisa would end up sitting next to Nitori – though Nitori himself seemed equally surprised by this. Of course both Nitori and Makoto were far too polite to ask if they could swap seats so, naturally, Makoto had to spend a forty-five minute journey sitting right beside someone that he hardly knew. He didn’t dislike Yamazaki – not at all – but they hadn’t properly spoken to each other before.

Makoto attempted smalltalk and while Yamazaki was civil enough, it was clear that he didn’t really want to talk to him. In the end, the Samezuka swimmer turned on his iPod and drowned him out completely. Makoto hadn’t minded and the journey hadn’t been unpleasant. In fact the banter between Nitori and Nagisa as well as Nagisa and Rin had been downright hilarious; Makoto thought it was a shame that Rei and Gou hadn’t been there to witness it.

The sealife centre itself was impressive. As soon as they laid eyes on it, all six of them were shocked by the sheer size of the place. Makoto turned to say something to Haru, though the words died in his mouth as he saw the way that he was looking at Rin.

Makoto couldn’t believe that there had been a time when he had imagined Haru looking at him that way.

As they wandered throughout the building, Makoto began to feel a lot more at ease. Rin and Haruka’s hand-holding was pushed out of his mind by the copious amounts of tropical fish, sea horses, spider crabs and mudskippers. Nagisa chattered excitedly beside him and seemed to be frantically taking pictures of anything and everything – Makoto quickly realised that he was actually sending said pictures to everyone on his Snapchat contact list, complete with some amusing captions.

After a while they reached the ‘Twilight Zone’ exhibit, which seemed to be a few pitch black rooms filled with scary-looking creatures that dwelled in the deeper parts of the sea. It was a known fact that Makoto was easily scared and he wasn’t particularly fond of the dark so he decided to wait on a bench near the Twilight Zone entrance as the others went on inside.

He felt a tad embarrassed, but he didn’t need to give himself any more reasons to fear the ocean.

Makoto sat quietly and watched the sea turtles swim around in the tank across from him. He found that observing them drift through the water was actually rather calming. A smile tugged at his lips as he imagined Haru stripping off and trying to jump into the tank.

The smile vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. Heaving a soft sigh, Makoto leaned forward and rested his chin on his hand as he tried to think about something other than his best friend. He was happy for Rin and Haru – truly, he was glad that they were together – but having to actually witness them act like a couple was a little difficult. All they had done was hold hands and exchange a few discrete, gentle touches, yet somehow that had been enough to make Makoto want to run away. He felt both guilty and selfish but how was he meant to just fall out of love with Haru?

“Hey.”

Makoto was pulled from his thoughts by a familiar voice and he looked up to see Yamazaki standing beside him with a can of cola in his hand.

“Yamazaki-kun? I thought you were with the others?”

“I was.”

Confusion flitted across Makoto’s face. Yamazaki must have noticed the slight concern in his eyes, as he went on to add, “It’s too hot in there so I came to get something from the vending machine.” He raised the coke can as he spoke, as if to emphasise his point.

“Oh. I guess I didn’t see you come out.”

“You were watching the sea turtles,” Yamazaki said simply, a note of amusement creeping into his voice.

As they waited for the others, it became clear that neither really felt like talking. On the train Makoto had sensed that there was something bothering Sousuke but he didn’t think the taller man would appreciate being hassled by someone that he didn’t know particularly well.

“So, what was it like in there? Do you think the others will be long?” Makoto asked as he turned to look at Sousuke, who had now joined him on the bench.

“Dark. Quiet. Awkward.”

“…Awkward?”

Sousuke didn’t get chance to elaborate, as Nagisa’s voice rang across the hall and the rest of their friends re-joined them.

Things only went downhill from there.

Nagisa – much to Rin’s chagrin – proudly told Makoto all about how Rin had used the darkness as an excuse to try groping Haru’s butt when he was busy looking at some angler fish. Haru had jumped and questioned Rin about what he was doing, Rin had been embarrassed and Nagisa had _laughed._ Of course no one was happy about Nagisa repeating the events to Makoto, but the short blond simply couldn’t help himself.

Things only got even more awkward when they were at the seal exhibit and Rin had taken Makoto aside to ask if he was really okay with him and Haru being together.

“You just seem… Quieter than usual. And I saw you looking at Haru weirdly when I took his hand at the station,” Rin said quietly, not quite meeting his gaze. “I understand if it’s a bit strange for you because we’re both guys but –”

“Rin!” Makoto’s eyes widened in horror and disbelief but he tried to keep his voice down to avoid attracting attention from anyone else. “Of course I’m fine with you being together. I would never judge anyone for something like that.”

“Well then what’s wrong? You’ve barely said a word to me or Haru since we got here.”

Panic began to blossom within Makoto’s chest. Was he really so obvious?

Schooling his features into the same apologetic smile that he always managed to force, Makoto managed to reply, “I’ve just been thinking, I guess. It’s nothing to do with you or Haru though, honestly! I really am happy for you.”

Rin studied his face for a moment, as if wondering whether to trust him or not.

“Right,” he sighed after a brief pause, “Sorry for accusing you like that. I’m just a little paranoid I guess? I don’t know.”

“You shouldn’t worry about what other people think. There’s nothing wrong with the two of you being together and if someone doesn’t like it then, well, they’re wrong,” Makoto said honestly, “I think you’re perfect for each other.”

Rin seemed startled by Makoto’s sudden seriousness and Makoto thought he had actually rendered the redhead speechless. In the end Rin just laughed a little and looked away, though he was clearly pleased by his friend’s words.

“Thanks Makoto. You’re a good friend, you know? And if you ever wanna talk about what’s bothering you then just… call me or something. I mean, if you want to. I know you and Haru are best friends or whatever but, uh, you know.”

Guilt coiled in the pit of Makoto’s stomach.

All he could do was smile.

 

The train ride back was much quieter than their first one. Makoto found himself sitting beside Nagisa, whose lap was occupied by a large penguin plushie. The gift shop had been larger than they had expected and the six of them ending up spending a good twenty minutes looking at things. Makoto had purchased some sweets for Ren and Ran, as well as some cute orca fridge magnets for his parents. Nagisa had insisted on taking photos of them all when they were waiting at the train station but by the time the train arrived, he seemed to have quietened down. Soon Makoto felt the blond slump against him and he glanced down to see that his friend was sleeping against his shoulder.

“When we get off, do you guys wanna go get food? I’m starving,” Rin said from the seat in front.

“I don’t think Nagisa has any money left,” Makoto replied apologetically.

“I don’t think I could afford anything either,” Nitori put in, sounding regretful.

Rin considered this for a moment then turned to his boyfriend, who didn’t seem at all bothered about where they went next.

Makoto just wanted to go home.

“So long as it’s nothing too expensive, I don’t mind paying for other people,” Sousuke said quietly, earning a cry of objection from the shorter boy beside him. “It’s honestly not a big deal,” Sousuke sighed.

“Sousuke you’re not paying for three people and that’s final,” Rin said flatly, “We could just go to someone’s house?”

Makoto knew that Haru enjoyed cooking and that he wouldn’t mind having his friends go back to his house, but Sousuke and Nitori were not his friends. Makoto didn’t really feel like having guests at the moment (not that there would be room for all of them anyway) and he suspected that none of the others were willing to invite anyone over right now.

“Let’s just get ice cream at the station,” Nagisa mumbled sleepily as he sat up, having been woken by all the talking. “Someone will have to pay for me though because I’m broke.”

“Ice cream isn’t proper food!” Rin shot back but didn’t say no.

 

In the end, Nagisa’s ice cream idea won. Nitori could afford his own so that just left Makoto to pay for Nagisa’s.  When it came time for them to all say their goodbyes, Haru decided to invite Rin back to his house for a while; Nagisa was of course _delighted_ by this, and Makoto couldn’t feel worse. All he wanted to do was to go home and sleep. The walk back towards their houses was a surprisingly quiet one, despite there being three people present. He and Haru often walked in a comfortable silence but now that Rin was here, it all felt… different. Awkward, perhaps. Makoto soon began to feel as though the pair didn’t even want him there. He was probably getting in their way now that they were a couple.

When they reached the stairs leading to Haru’s house, Haruka turned and asked Makoto if he wanted to join them – Makoto was almost as surprised as Rin.

Normally he would have gladly accepted but today he felt emotionally exhausted. Having to continue being a third wheel when Rin clearly wanted some alone time with Haru would only add to that. So, with a bright smile and a friendly tone of voice, Makoto declined the offer, bid them goodbye and turned to go back towards his own home.

 

It was only later, when he was lying in bed and thinking about the day’s events, that he realised that Sousuke had been giving Rin the same glances that Makoto often felt himself giving Haru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote 3,000+ words while being completely sleep deprived and in a hurry so yeah SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES.
> 
> Sorry about the lame ending too omg.
> 
> Next chapter is when things start getting all messed up/angsty/awful. I have this entire fic planned out already and I have a guide for each chapter now so updates will be a lot more frequent!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's short and uneventful but I just want to get back into the habit of writing and updating this so please bear with me. I know it's been literal years since I did anything with this fic but I'm bringing it back. This chapter is just me testing the waters I suppose but we'll delve into the real plot in the next chapter.

At the next joint practice session, Makoto found it almost difficult to stop himself from watching Yamazaki. He knew that staring was rude but ever since that trip to the aquarium, Makoto’s mind had been filled with questions and concerns. The more he thought about it, the more he began to wonder if Yamazaki’s feelings for Rin were more than just platonic. It would certainly explain a lot – after all, Yamazaki had moved all the way from Tokyo just because he wanted to swim with Rin again despite them having not spoken to each other in years.

Right now the Iwatobi swim captain stood by the side of the Samezuka swimming pool as Haru and some of the others did laps. He was supposed to be timing his friend but every now and then, his eyes strayed over to where Sousuke Yamazaki sat on the opposite side of the pool. Despite being ranked among the top ten butterfly swimmers in the country, Yamazaki hadn’t entered the pool once today (nor was he wearing his swimsuit), instead opting to sit on the bench and occasionally get up to offer advice to the Samezuka swimmers. _He seems like he’d probably be a good coach,_ Makoto noted idly.

“Makoto?”

Colour flooded into Makoto’s cheeks and he immediately pressed the stop button on the timer as he was pulled from his thoughts.

“I’m sorry!” he blurted, looking down at the pool. Haru had apparently finished his lap and was watching his friend with a slight frown. Guilt hit Makoto like a wave as he realised that, for the first time, he had barely been paying any attention to Haru or the stopwatch. He had only looked away for a few moments but when it came to swimming competitively, every second mattered.

“I can do it again,” Haru suggested simply, apparently unfazed by Makoto’s lack of attention. It wasn’t as if the freestyler actually _cared_ about his times anyway – he just wanted to swim.

“I’m really sorry! You shouldn’t have to do that, I should’ve been paying attention. I mean, I was paying attention – I definitely was!” Makoto apologised frantically, feeling worse and worse with every word.

“Are you okay?” Haru asked quietly after a moment’s pause. He was looking up at his friend oddly, his eyes reflecting something akin to suspicion or, perhaps, concern.

“I – Yes! Why wouldn’t I be?” Makoto’s cheeks were now stained an unflattering shade of red. Why, oh, why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him? This entire situation was just _awful._ He had been so busy staring at Yamazaki that he didn’t even realise when to press the stopwatch to check Haru’s time, and now he’d just made everything worse by rambling his way through a flustered apology. He was just thankful that the rest of the team hadn’t witnessed it, as Nagisa was trying to help Rei attempt another stroke while Gou was speaking to Rin about training schedules.

Haru watched him silently for a moment. “Okay,” he said finally, remaining thoroughly unconvinced.

The rest of the practice went by without incident. Makoto soon managed to focus on swimming again instead of trying to steal any more glances at Rin’s best friend. For now, he managed not to muse on the question that had been burning in his mind since their trip to the aquarium: was Yamazaki in love with Rin? It seemed entirely possible. However, Makoto knew that it really was none of his business – and he certainly wasn’t going to try interfering or confronting either man about it – but there was just something about the situation that bothered him. Or perhaps it didn’t bother him? Maybe a small part of him found it _comforting_ to know that someone else was in the same situation that he was? No, that would be selfish. Makoto was not a selfish boy, not by any means. He was just… deeply confused.

\---

“So what’s Tachibana’s deal?” Sousuke asked gruffly as he and Rin walked back towards their shared room. It was fairly late, since the joint practice had dragged on so long. Even after the session was over, the Iwatobi team had lingered for a while (though Gou took this opportunity to leave, claiming that she had somewhere to be), which of course resulted in them all going out for food, having a tour of Samezuka Academy, and eventually returning for a swim in the pool.

Rin was still attempting to dry his hair with his fluffy white towel. That was one of the cons of having long hair – it often took longer to dry. Still, he was in no hurry to get a haircut. He glanced at Sousuke as the taller man spoke, lowering the towel as he did so.

“What do you mean?” he asked with the slight arch of an eyebrow.

“He kept staring at me today,” came the flat reply.

Rin stared at his friend for a moment before giving a half-hearted shrug.

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re his friend.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I can read his thoughts,” Rin deadpanned, “Anyway how do you know he was staring at you unless you were staring back?”

The two came to a halt as they reached the bedroom door and Rin fished around in his bag until he found the room key. 

“I wasn’t staring at him,” Sousuke frowned as the pair entered the room.

Rin resisted the urge to roll his eyes and tossed his towel onto his bunk. He set his swim bag down on the floor, watching as Sousuke followed and pulled off his teal hoodie. Sitting down on his bed, Rin grabbed his discarded towel and began to dab at his hair once again.

“Maybe he just wants to talk to you or something? You’re one hell of a swimmer and he knows you’ve already been scouted so maybe he wants to ask you for tips?” Rin reasoned.

“You told him I’ve been scouted?”

“Yeah. So?”

Sousuke looked less than pleased, which resulted in Rin’s eyebrows knitting together slightly as the pair of them looked at each other. Makoto was a good guy – he was probably one of the nicest people that Rin had met. Why would anyone, especially Sousuke, be so wary of him?

“Do you have a problem with Makoto or something?” Rin asked slowly.

“No, I don’t even know him. I just wondered why he was staring at me,” came the flat response.

“Shit, why not just ask him? He probably wasn’t even looking at you. You’re thinking way too much about this,” the redhead nearly sighed with exasperation, “I can give you his number if you’re really that desperate to know.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Rin’s eyes lit up as realisation dawned on him, and his lips curved into a sly grin as he spoke, “Is that why this means so much to you? Are you interested in Makoto? Do you think he likes you too?”

Sousuke snorted, vague amusement gleaming in his eyes as he turned away from his best friend. It was sometimes easy to forget that Rin was actually quite the romantic. Of course Rin was only joking and he had absolutely no idea that Sousuke was indeed interested in guys, but the two of them had never really spoken about relationships or anything like that until Rin and Haru became an item. Perhaps it was strange for best friends to not talk about something like that, but they had been absent from each other’s lives for quite a while. Plus it wasn’t exactly wrong for Rin to believe that Sousuke was interested in women, since the latter considered himself bisexual.

“Yep, you caught me,” Sousuke drawled, “I’m in love with Tachibana.”

Rin’s grin grew as he watched his friend retrieve his pyjamas from the top bunk.

“Makoto’s a great guy, he’ll be good for you,” Rin teased.

“Yep. On that note, I’m going for a shower,” Sousuke replied as he vanished into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

“Try not to think about Makoto while you’re at it!” his friend called after him.

Rin had changed into his nightwear (plain pyjama bottoms and a loose black wifebeater) and was sprawled across his bed, phone in hand, when Sousuke finally emerged from the bathroom. Rin spared his friend a single glance before returning his gaze to his phone screen.

 “I told Makoto that you’re in love with him. He says hi and that he loves you too,” Rin said casually without looking up as he tapped out a response.

Sousuke walked over to the bedroom door and retrieved his own mobile from pocket of his hoodie, which hung against the door.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Rin replied easily. The redhead flashed him his signature sharktoothed grin as he rolled onto his stomach and watched the taller boy cross the room and climb the ladder to his designated bunk.  

“Why don’t you try using those matchmaking skills to find Momo a girlfriend? That way he might leave Gou alone,” Sousuke suggested with a note of amusement.

Immediately, any trace of humour faded from Rin’s face and he gave a swift kick to the mattress above him, scowling as he did so.

“ _Oi_ ,” he growled in warning, only to be answered with Sousuke’s laughter, “Don’t joke about them! Seriously. I’m pretty sure she has a boyfriend now and if it turns out to be Momo, I will literally scream.”

Rin’s clear chagrin only furthered Sousuke’s amusement and a soft smile played upon his lips. It was moments like this that he favoured. For once he and Rin felt normal. They were just normal, average friends who enjoyed each other’s company and teased each other. It was easy to forget about the unrequited love, the lies; the secrets. It was nice.

 “Relax. If it was Momo he would’ve told the whole world by now,” Sousuke replied, “What makes you think she’s seeing someone anyway?”

Rin fell quiet, making Sousuke wonder if he had perhaps fallen asleep for a moment. When Rin did speak again, his voice was quieter and it lacked his original liveliness.

“She’s hiding something. It has to be a boyfriend, right? I mean it’s not like it could be anything else… she’d tell me if it was something bigger.”

Sousuke felt a strange pang in his chest as Rin spoke. He had grown up with Gou and she was almost as important to him as Rin was. The thought of her keeping secrets was not a strange one; for such an open and honest girl, she was highly adept at keeping her feelings hidden. She was stronger than people often gave her credit for and she could keep a secret like her life depended on it. There had been a time when Sousuke had thought that he and Gou would one day end up spending their lives together, but that was long since passed. Gou had become like a sister to him now and his heart belonged entirely to the older Matsuoka.

“She’ll tell you when she’s ready. You know how much you mean to her,” Sousuke replied quietly as he stared up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

“I guess,” Rin sighed heavily, “I mean she can’t be in trouble or anything, right?”

“Maybe she’s gay,” Sousuke snorted, “Everyone else seems to be.”

The mattress quaked as Rin raised his leg to give it another hard kick.

“Why would she hide that from me when I have a boyfriend?” he hissed, “And Haru and I are not _everybody else_.”

“Aren’t those other two guys together?”

“What other two guys?”

“From Iwatobi. The blond one and the glasses guy.”

Rin was silent for a moment then, rendered speechless at the pure incredulity of the statement.

“Nagisa… and Rei?” Rin said slowly, face wrinkled in a look of confusion as he sounded their names out, “I mean. I guess I can see it but I don’t think so. Nagisa’s a pretty affectionate guy, he gets like that with everyone. Plus I doubt Rei even swings that way, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Nagisa did.” Another pause then. “Shit, that sounds stereotypical. I don’t mean it in _that_ way though, ya know?”

Sousuke gave a simple ‘hmm’ in response. He had spoken to Nagisa even less than he’d spoken to Makoto. They both seemed to be nice guys, but Nagisa had an energy that could be paralleled only by Momo’s – Sousuke wasn’t sure what to make of that. He also wasn’t sure what to make of Rei, but he had no intention of ever really talking to the guy anyway. The Iwatobi team were undoubtedly nice people but they were Rin’s friends, not Sousuke’s, and he didn’t see any reason to change things.

\--

Nagisa slammed the door shut as hard as he could manage, tears falling freely down his face as he choked out a sob. His hands were shaking and he heard his mother yell something after him but he no longer cared what she had to say. Mostly he just hoped that she wouldn’t barge into his room to continue the argument, especially not since his sisters were home and they would undoubtedly hear everything.

He wiped his eyes hastily and sat down on his bed, sinking into the softness of his mattress. Life simply wasn’t fair sometimes. Repressing another sob, he reached shakily for his phone and considered his options but quickly realised that there was no one for him to really talk to. He loved his friends and they were utterly amazing to him, but he didn’t know how he’d even begin to talk about his problems to any of them. Especially not when it was something like this.

 _Maybe I could just see if anyone wants to hang out or something?_ he wondered, reasoning that while he couldn’t vent to anybody, it would still help to just have someone around him to take his mind off things. A glance at the clock informed him that it was approaching 8pm and he was suddenly stricken with resentment towards the distance between his house and his friends’. Haru and Makoto were incredibly lucky to live as close as they did to each other and he frequently wished he had the same privilege. Oh, how nice it would be to be able to drop by whenever they needed each other.

Pity.

With a thoughtful sigh, Nagisa wiped away another stream of tears and slowly browsed through his contract list until he found Makoto’s name. Haru never paid attention to his phone and as much as Nagisa adored Rei, it was Makoto who knew how to make people feel happy and safe. Biting his lower lip in concentration, Nagisa quickly typed out a message.

**> > [19:45] Hi Mako-chan!! Are you free right now? o:**

There was no point in letting on that he wasn’t okay, especially not when talking to Makoto of all people. The last thing he wanted was for Makoto to drop everything he was doing just for his sake. He read over the message once and then hit send before slumped down onto his bed with a groan.

A few moments passed but then his phone buzzed.

**Mako-chan! [19:51] aaaa not right now, sorry! What do you need?**

Nagisa’s face fell. Of course he wasn’t free.

**> > [19:52] Don’t worry about it c: **

**> > [19:52] Have fun with whatever you’re doing!**

Frowning, Nagisa sent out texts to both Gou and Haru instead. Surprisingly, Haru responded first, only to say that he was with Rin. By the time Gou replied, Nagisa was too frustrated to care anyway, and it came as no surprise to see that she was unavailable. He considered contacting Rei but there didn’t seem to be much point anymore. He certainly couldn’t talk to him about _this,_ and his mood had fallen so far that he didn’t think he’d benefit from being around anyone now. Silently, Nagisa ignored the growling in his stomach and crawled into bed. He didn’t care that it was early and he didn’t care that he hadn’t eaten in a while. He just wanted some reprieve.

\---

Practice was a little more sombre than usual. Gou showed up late, which surprised everyone, but she seemed to be in incredibly good spirits. Haru and Rei were both their usual selves, and Makoto seemed to be okay but he spoke a lot less and seemed distracted. When Haru mentioned that he and Rin would be going to see a movie later, Makoto stopped speaking completely. Rei and Gou both commented on how he his focus seemed to be elsewhere, but he assured them that he was fine. No one noticed that Nagisa’s eyes seemed puffier than usual, or that he seemed a little less enthusiastic than he usually was.

“We should do something soon!” Nagisa exclaimed suddenly as they were all getting dressed in the locker room.

“Nagisa-kun, we just did something,” Rei responded somewhat drily.

“No I mean outside of school! Like how we went to the aquarium before. It’s been a while since we’ve _all_ hung out together.”

“That’s true… I can’t really remember the last time we all actually went out together. The aquarium was nice but I suppose it doesn’t count since Rei and Gou weren’t there,” Makoto mused.

Being in third year meant that Haru and Makoto were far busier than they used to be, and Rin was pretty busy too so he and Haru tried to spend as much of their free time together as possible, since they had so little chances to do anything as a couple. Gou loved the swim club dearly but it was clear that she was becoming busier too, though she chose not to say why. The most plausible reason was that she had a boyfriend that she didn’t want anyone to know about just yet, but no one was brave enough to ask her about it. Nagisa almost had, but thankfully Rei and Makoto were able to step in.

“So let’s arrange something then! We can get the guys from Samezuka to come along too, maybe! I really like Ai-chan and it’d be cool to get to know Sousuke a bit better, since he and Rin-chan are so close,” Nagisa said brightly.

“Yamazaki-kun and I are in love, actually, so you’ll definitely be seeing more of him,” Makoto smiled.

 “What?” Rei and Nagisa exclaimed in unison.

Haru immediately bristled.

Makoto chuckled and explained that Rin had jokingly messaged him the other day to say that Sousuke was madly in love with him and that he wanted to propose. He then went on to add that he and Sousuke had exchanged a few playful ‘I love you’s through Rin since then, and that Rin was going to be the minister of their upcoming wedding.

“He seems like a nice enough guy so I definitely don’t mind hanging out with him again,” he concluded. “Outside of the joint practices, I mean.”

“I certainly don’t mind spending more time with Samezuka,” Rei chimed in, “And since I couldn’t go to the aquarium, I do believe that it has been far too long since we all did something together!”

“I don’t care what we do,” Haru said flatly when the other three turned to him, “They’re busy people though.”

Without another word, Haru finished buttoning up his shirt and then grabbed his bag. He muttered a goodbye and left the room almost swiftly, much to the others’ confusion. Nagisa’s jaw clenched with annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologise for not updating this but I doubt any of the readers even remember this so... oops? :') 
> 
> I have all my plans for the plot written up and therefore the upcoming chapters will be a lot more eventful and a lot longer in length. I really wanna finish this and I wanna do the characters justice, so I promise I won't fall into the void after two chapters this time!


End file.
